Arguments for the Existence of Cthulhu IV

The Argument from Degrees of Evil

We notice that things around us vary. Some things are "more X" or "less X." And sometimes X has a source, and something closer to the source of X is thereby made "more X."

We see that instability, chaos, and suffering are all "more evil" than their alternatives.

But if these degrees of evil pertain to being and being is caused in finite creatures, then there must exist a "worst," a source and real standard of all the evils that we recognize belong to us as beings.

This absolutely evil being—the "Being of all beings," "the Evil of all evils"—is Cthulhu.

(Ow, my brain hurts. Was that some rambling paraphrase of St. Anselm or something? I'm astounded even True Believers could find this logic convincing.)

Arguments for the Existence of Cthulhu III

The Argument from Time and Contingency

(The closest this comes to making me believe in a god is it makes me say, "Christ, this argument is a mess," but here's my attempt to disentangle the active premises in a coherent manner.)

• If an entity has the possibility of not existing, then in an infinite time, it must realize this state of non-being.
  
• There has been an infinite period of time,* and the universe still exists.
  
• Therefore there must be an entity that does not have the possibility of not existing, from which the universe derives its longevity.
  
• Such a being is called a necessary being.
  
• This necessary being is Cthulhu.
  

This jibes well with scripture: "That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die." - Nec. 3:16.

*remember folks, we're not discussing the validity of the logic, or the accuracy of the premises, just seeing if the arguments as given can equally apply to Cthulhu as to Yahweh.

Arguments for the Existence of Cthulhu, Part Two

The Argument from Efficient Causality

Everything that exists does so due to some cause. The only thing that might conceivably exist without a cause is a supernatural being which is self-existent. Therefore, Cthulhu must exist: an uncaused being who could move to cause the universe.

(I apologize/say "you're welcome" for trimming these arguments of their excess curlicues of language and making them slightly more coherent. I suspect part of the apologist's tactic is to give people a headache, making them give up and assume he must know better than they do.)

Arguments for the Existence of Cthulhu, Part One

The Friendly Atheist provides an apologetics link that would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. Let's see if I can use all the arguments to "prove" the existence of Cthulhu.

The Argument from Change

We can see that things change. And in order to change, they must have some outside force act on them. A seed cannot grow into a plant without soil, water, and sun acting on it. A planet cannot move without the gravitational force of other objects affecting it. And each item that changes things is itself acted on, ad infinitum.

Since the universe is full of constant change, and is itself changing, it must therefore have something external acting on it. This being, outside space and time, is Cthulhu, who lies dreaming in the inky void.