Stupid prayers

By Googling "stupid prayer requests," I discovered Kim Kardashian used to pray for smaller breasts. Actually, this is more understandable than people praying for lost keys or lotto jackpots - especially since she was 11 and being teased. Still, is this something The Grand Master of the Universe is going to tend to?

A little project - "Please pray"

I'm going to start collecting some prayer requests.

Asking an omniscient god for stuff makes no sense. Especially when it's Yahweh, who is pretty tetchy about puny humans thinking they know anything better than he does (see his response to Job, e.g.). But when this is pointed out in debate, apologists tend to respond that prayer isn't for asking for stuff, it's all about giving thanks, or just checking in with your buddy Jesus, or something. It's all related to the objection that atheists never pick on sophisticated versions of Christianity, just the comically backwards beliefs that a very small, benighted group of people hold.

Well, here's some evidence that lots of believers (many of them in the mainstream) believe in asking god for stuff:

Currently circulating on Facebook:

We are asking everyone to say a prayer for "Darkhorse" 3rd Battalion, 5th Marines and their families. They are fighting it out in Afghanistan and have lost 9 Marines in 4 days. Please re-post this. IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE IT ON EVERYONE'S PAGE!! Even if it's only for an hour. Come on......people show your support.

A quick Google search turned up pleaseprayfor.org, where you can ask people to pray for everything from healing children with brain cancer to helping you win online sweepstakes!

Answers in Genesis is doing a radio upgrade, and they ask, "Please pray for no installation problems, improved reception and clarity." They have a whole page devoted to constantly updated prayer requests, and a page where you can pledge:

Believing that Prayer is our most strategic weapon in waging the war against compromise, I make a commitment to lift up the rebuilding of biblical foundations in our church and culture. I will pray throughout the day as God brings Answers in Genesis to mind and fast once a month, asking God to glorify His name in the specific requests relayed to me. This commitment is for one year.

And you give your digital signature and e-mail address to seal the deal. Nifty!

In which a goddess bestows a parking spot

Over the weekend I hit Target. It was MOBBED, but I happened to get the primo parking space, right in the first spot next to the doors. On my way out, I saw a car approaching that aisle, and it slowed down to let me cross. I decided to be nice and point out where I was about to pull out. As I gestured ostentatiously at my fantastic space, I realized the driver was a friend of mine!

Divine intervention? Some people might really think so (see previous post), but it was actually just a combination of dumb luck and my own awesomeness.

"Jesus and Mary, please help me win a million dollars!"

We watch The Amazing Race, and one of my favorite things is to choose teams to root for, and against. Usually it's the teams that are horrible to each other that I like to wish disaster on. But in the most recent episode, I realized that Gary and Mallory were running way behind, and I really didn't care. I would have felt bad if the doctors or the home shopping gals got chopped, and Gary and Mallory share a lot of their positive qualities - almost always being upbeat, interested in their surroundings, and friendly. So why didn't I care whether they won or lost?

Well, one factor is that Mallory has a really offensive habit. She's a wealthy, privileged beauty queen in a reality show race to win a million dollars, and she's constantly praying for help. I know, I know, she's not really thinking about the theological implications, and her invocations probably don't mean much more than when I say, "Oh my god." But truly, it is somewhere between tacky and horrific to pray to Jesus to help you win a million dollars. Especially when He doesn't seem to interested in preventing babies from being born with cleft palates, or cerebral palsy, or Spinal Muscular Atrophy, or scores of other horrible problems.

I'm sure it's very comforting to feel that the creator of the universe is your personal buddy looking out for you. It probably helps people stay calm and get through difficult days, even if "difficult" is just a frantic high stress day, with no life and death issues. But the implications of Jesus caring enough to find you a good parking spot, but leaving millions of innocent children in unimaginable suffering are truly monstrous.