Yay, critical thinking!

I was proud of Catherine today. She and Eliza just got flu shots, and we were watching Sid the Science Kid on vaccines and how germs get passed along. She asked me about how we get sick from germs, and I described the usual ways. Later in the day she asked, "So, who was the first person to get sick?" What an awesome demonstration of thinking something through!

I tried to explain from an evolutionary standpoint, which is a little complex for her to digest at this point. But the important thing is she was praised for thinking of a great question, and reassured that I would at least try to explain answers to her.

Our religious education schism

OK, my husband and I are not in a schism. But there are high emotions behind our discussion and negotiation of this subject. One of us wants to begin formal religious education for Catherine at a local church, while the other is not in favor of it.

The funny thing is, we are both atheists.

I think Cat could use some knowledge and grounding in major religions, and that the local Unitarian fellowship (OK maybe it's not, strictly speaking, a church) seems like a great place for it. From my research it seems they don't indoctrinate, except in thoughtful, liberal, caring approaches to life that I agree with. They don't have Big Truths they hammer into the kids' heads like Catholicism. Instead they encourage inquiry and reflection in a personal search for meaning.

From my husband's point of view, there is still danger. Six year olds are consummate conformists, and he suggests that whoever is teaching the classes will have a personal religious belief that they can't help inject in some way. Also, there will be the peer pressure of the other students, most of whom probably believe in some god or other.

Our compromise is this: I care more than he does, so I will take her and we will observe what happens. If, as I suspect, she merely comes home saying we need to cut our carbon footprint, or talking about an ethical dilemma they discussed openly, it won't be a problem. If she starts to spout off about how Jesus is the one true savior, I'll be the first one to yank her from class.

Here's the thing though - if we had to sit down and have a serious discussion about this, negotiate our position, and deal with deep-seated feelings from childhood regarding religious education, what the hell do people in mixed marriages do? How can you overcome an atheist/believer or Jewish/Christian divide?

Discussing Salvation with my Evangelical Friend

She and I are ever so carefully dipping our toes in the pool of religious discussion. Thankfully, we are both at pains not to insult each other, and that includes her making sure I know she is not trying to recruit me.

But I'm concerned that it's not a fair "fight." When I asked her why, if God is all-loving and Jesus died for the sins of the world, salvation wouldn't be universal, she had to ask a church person, who directed her to read Mere Christianity. Of which I have read a little, and she has read none. And that led me to mention an issue with Lewis's allegory in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe - that his inclusion of a "deep, old magic" is an implicit admission that it doesn't make sense for a fully sufficient omnimax God to have to sacrifice himself.

Well, she was pretty quiet, and I got the distinct impression that the heathen nonbeliever over here has researched and thought about these questions a lot more than the devoted Christian who goes to Bible study regularly. I'm actually a little worried that I might deconvert her, which would be great in some ways, but would also throw her life into absolute upheaval.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I was because in general this woman is extremely bright, inquisitive, and thoughtful. I just forgot that religious memes tend to cordon off certain areas from inquiry, regardless of how intelligent and skeptical someone is in other areas.

I will proceed, carefully and lovingly, to exchange information on the topic.

Abstinence till marriage sex education

I'd noticed in our school district's literature that part of the health curriculum standards is to teach children to abstain from sex until marriage. This is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard, not to mention insulting and morally confusing, considering that about 95% of Americans have premarital sex, and this has held true since the 50s. Also, of course, gays and lesbians get the fuzzy end of the lollipop under this scheme. So much for diversity and tolerance!

Now, thanks to my reading of Raising Freethinkers, I realize that this educational standard is one set by the federal government as a requirement for getting DOE money. Thanks, federal government, for sticking your nose into my bedroom. I'm sure all so-called conservatives think it's great, too!

At least now I know it's futile to mention it at the school board level, so I won't be wasting my time.

I'm attempting to plant the seeds of sassy rebellion in the kids, but as noted in my last post, the time is clearly not ripe. And maybe it never will be. Quite possibly my weirdness (liberal, atheist, lactivist, civil libertarian, hippy-ish type smack dab in the middle of a land filled with SUVs sporting "W" stickers) will be an unending source of eye-rolling mortification to one or both girls. I will have to remember to let them have their own opinions.

Daughter's religion: Ceremonial Deism

Catherine is in Girl Scouts, and we've discussed the Promise, which in part reads, "I will try to serve God* . . ." That asterisk is in the GSA original, by the way - and it is one reason I'm ever so glad to have only girls. The GSA doesn't discriminate, and they specifically allow for substitution of whatever word works for you there.

So I told Catherine, since we aren't religious and her dad and I don't believe in any gods, maybe she would like to substitute another word there. She told me she does believe in God. So I asked gently what "god" meant to her. She said, "It doesn't mean anything. I mean, it means something, but it doesn't really mean anything." Perhaps someday she'll be a Supreme Court Justice!

Seriously, I'm fine with her just going with the flow for now. She's 6! And I figure I'm better off letting her explore her own ideas than coming down on her just like a fundamentalist Christian would on his kid for doubting the family's beliefs.

Zombie Blog!

It's been dead for over a year, but what the hell. Let's say cosmic radiation or overbooking in Hell has inspired a return!

Actually, it's more a confluence of life settling down (past year: surgeries! disease! insane levels of volunteer commitments! a toddler!), and a couple occurrences in Catherine's life.

She is now 6. The other day I turned down a request of hers, and she started whining, "Whyyyyyyyyy?" I answered, tongue slightly in cheek, "Because I said so." She immediately answered, "That doesn't make any sense!" I think we're doing something right!

The other thing is Girl Scouts and God, but I'll leave that for the next post - I've got to go bake two dozen chocolate chip cookies and prepare to teach two classes for a workshop tomorrow.

My evangelical friend

Nope, this isn't some joke. I met someone who I really like - she has a similar personality and a lot of the same interests. Her approach to parenting is very similar to mine. She doesn't suffer fools gladly and has a wry sense of humor. And the other day we were chatting, and she mentioned that she wouldn't ever go to a church that allowed women to be pastors, because it's unbiblical. Needless to say, my jaw dropped. Luckily it was a phone conversation.

The thing that allows us to remain friends (at least so far) is that she makes such judgments about her own life, allowing others to make their own decisions without harassment. She also knows that I'm an atheist, and does not seem fazed. There has been only one reference to this between us. We work in a volunteer organization and wanted to use space at a church for meetings. She wanted my opinion, as a non-Christian, of the proposal letter for this, to be careful she wasn't tainting our secular organization with sectarian bias.

In short, she is cool.

Do I, when I reflect upon it, think it's kind of weird that my down-to-earth, sensible buddy believes in a magical sky spirit that doesn't want women to preach? Of course. No doubt she's a little concerned that such a nice person as I may be unsaved and condemned to hell. But weirdly, it hasn't wrecked our relationship, because we seem to agree to interact on this temporal plane and leave the supernatural out of our interactions.

I wish more people (on both sides) could be like this.